Transformerland.com

They just keep getting better!

Two Garbage Bags



A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two

large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags

rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto

the sidewalk..



Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am,

there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'



'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better

go back, and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling

me..'



'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get

all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'



'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard

is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game

days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my

flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge

clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the

fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'



'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. 'OK? Good

luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'



'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'Not everybody Pays"

Saw this sign in a local pharmacy:

"RELEASED INGREDIENTS OF VIRAGA:"

3%-Vitiam E

2%-Asprin

3%-Ibuprofen

5%-Spray Starch

87%-Fix-A-Flat!

A man is sitting at home studying his marriage certificate, when his wife comes into the room. She asks "What are you looking for?”

The husband looks up at her and says "The expiry date.”

Rumble.

Couldn't find an "introduce yourself" thread so.........

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto!




Oh, an hi.

Hello Groundshaker! Welcome to the board! I happen to have just bought you mere days ago! hehe! You are welcome to make your own intro thread in the billboard section if you like.

Glad to have ya here!

PS.. unfortunately I had to think about that one for a second... Hehe, that was funny!

Haha! Silly joke, but fun!
Welcome to TFL, Groundshaker!

Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
says, "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "....How many is a
Brazilian?"

I am still laughing at that one! That was great!

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, 'And where do you think you're going?!'



She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.

That was funny. I needed that. Thanks for providing the laughs!

I think that blonde women have something of an unfair reputation .........
It makes me glad that I am dark haired

anytime Ratchet

SAD NFL NEWS

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs, they will be known as the..........TAMPACKS.

Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string...

Sry for the late reply but welcome to TFL Groundshaker!!!

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ...
you need to fart. The music is really loud,
so you time your farts with the beat. After a
couple of songs, you start to feel better as

you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus,
people are really staring you down, and that's when
you realize, you have been listening to your ipod.

BAAAHAHWAWAWAWAHHHAHAHAH!!!! Excellent!!

Nice one Ghost

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


The more you read the better it gets .


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.

Women usually somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, birthdays, secret fears and hopes and dreams

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget every mistake he's ever made. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

The Black Bra


I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have
been married for 20+
years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to
amaze our men by
wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over
our eyes. We
agreed to meet later to exchange notes. Here's
how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a
black leather
bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my
dreams.. I love you.'
Then we made love all night long.


The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and
I was wearing the
leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened
the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex
all night.


Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather
bodice, black stockings,
stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,
"What's for dinner,
Batman?